I play in a band, we’re the best in the land
We’re big from Celondim to Bree
I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar
There’s a line of girls waiting for me
So come on now honey, I’ll make you feel pretty
These other girls mean nothing to me
Let’s finish these drinks and be gone for the night
‘Cause I’m more than a handful, you’ll see
So kiss me, I’m shitfaced
(She danced while I sang her my tale
And then after, she kissed me
And I only bought her one ale)
I’ve met the Valar, I’m a Hobnanigans star
And I taught Lúthien how to dance
Mortal men can’t keep up, I’m a real love machine
I’ll steal your heart with a glance
I designed Durin’s Tower, and helped build Minas Anor
And my Lembas bread makes the elves swoon
And the beer that I brew beats the best in the Shire
They revere it down in Khazad-dûm
So kiss me, I’m shitfaced
(She danced while I sang her my tale
And then after, she kissed me
And I only bought her one ale)
I’m a man of the night, a real ladies’ delight
See my figure was chiseled from stone
One more for my lady, then I’ll escort her home
Come last call, I’m never alone
I’ve a house on the hill with a fine elven pool
Puts the Last Homely House to shame
We feast day and night in a tent made of light
I’m just here in this dump for the game
So kiss me, I’m shitfaced
(She danced while I sang her my tale
And then after, she kissed me
And I only bought her one ale)
So kiss me, I’m shitfaced
(She danced while I sang her my tale
And then after, she kissed me
And I only bought her one ale)
Ahh, bloody hell
You’re not buying this, are you.
I’m a pitiful sight, and I ain’t all that bright
I’m definitely not chiseled from stone
I’m a cheat and a liar, no woman’s desire
I’ll probably die cold and alone
But just give me a chance, ’cause deep down inside
I swear I got a big heart of gold
I’m a true hearted man, no more one-night stands
Come on, honey, let me take you home
So kiss me, I’m shitfaced
(She danced while I sang her my tale
And then after, she kissed me
And I only bought her one ale)
So kiss me, I’m shitfaced
(She danced while I sang her my tale
And then after, she kissed me
And I only bought her one ale
One ale!)
So kiss me, I’m shitfaced
(She danced while I sang her my tale
And then after, she kissed me
And I only bought her one ale)
(etc)